For as long as I can remember my reality was not quite matching up with what I was seeing in our collective society. I would see swirling lights in my room every night and felt myself tuning into family and friends in an intuitive way but had no sense of what this all meant. My outer reality conversly, was reflecting a more closed off, leave it to the elders of the church to tune in type of vibe. When my dad got sick and I came home to take care of him- everything in my world opened up. It was like he was the door that allowed me to see into past lives, angels, guides and most importantly, he is the catalyst for the healing work I was to uncover later in my life. For so long after he passed I feared people would think that I couldn't accept his passing and wondered if they thought I was "making it up" in order to pacify my grief. But what was really going on was I started to have vivid dreams about him in the heavenly realms and I started seeing my guides who appeared as Native Americans in my room healing over me. At the end of my dads life we had a beautiful lucid conversation where he told me he would find me and connect with me after his passing. And he did! And I felt the truth in it. But the polarity of it all was confusing at first. It was as though our society ingrains in us that these things don't happen but yet, they were happening to me and pretty consistently. For a long time I had a hard time trusting in it all. I was always skating on the edge of really trusting but something kept me from fully embracing my gifts.
A series of traumas to my physical body, (trauma can often bring about an immense healing due to light entering into that space), led to me sitting in spirit every single day and I started to put the pieces of the puzzle together. For awhile now I realized that I had adopted a lie into my life. And the lie was that I was abandoned. Not by my dad but by God. This lie came in early in my life as I had a pre birth memory of coming here. I remember my soul family up in a star system cheering me on, like what a gift it was that I was coming to earth. As I started to descend down to this plane I started to resist because of how dense it felt. I was coming from such a HIGH vibration and coming here felt so heavy. At one point I looked back up and questioned if I even wanted to come but it was too late and I arrived. There was this part of me who felt separate ever since my beginnings on earth. I felt like God was out there somewhere and I was separate from God. This was the big lie I was living with and everything in my life pointed to that wound in order to be healed. Every time I felt abandoned I realized it was simply trying to get my attention to heal the wound of abandonment. And that wound went back to God. And once I experienced God again in my life- which was during my traumatic birth with Poppy where I actually left my body and was absorbed back into God -did I realize how connected we truly are! God never leaves us, God never abandons us, God withholds nothing. We are always connected. This was the root of the root of my wound and now light enters in. For years my dad had been coming to me in my dreams and healing sessions and he would always say, death is not the end. Now I understood that but a miscarriage brought these lessons to heart.
For over 5 years in my mid 20's I dreamt of this beautiful baby boy. I could feel how much I loved him and I really KNEW him. I started to make little dream catchers for him way before I ever got pregnant. After Poppy was born we experienced a miscarriage and I questioned why I had all those dreams about him if he was never meant to stay earthside? During meditation he started coming through as this beautiful cherub angel and he would say that he was helping me with my healing process. He then told me he came through in all those dreams to make the connection so that I knew who he was. He said that even though he couldn't stay here on earth he would be a guide and that it was his choice as well. He also conveyed that my body had been in such bad shape from my birth with Poppy that had the pregnancy gone full term I would have suffered greatly. I was actually protected in that experience. It took me a full year to grieve that loss.
This painting conveys all of these concepts. During a trauma release session with my friend Jill Reed at the very end of the session I saw a red chair appear in front of me. My dad and babe showed up and sat down and they had a message to convey. My dad said, we came as death to show you life. Death is not the end it is a change in form. You have to believe there is no death. Accept your path in life and fearlessly express yourself.
Jill then said I needed to look up the meaning of the red chair because its important. What I found was: "The red chair became a symbol, a metaphor for connections made across invisible boundaries."
Trust was established. I had my own sort of ceremony where I fully surrendered to God and accepted my gifts and path in life. I finally trusted MYSELF, that is my spark of God, and have faith in my Light Team and move forward in my life offering my healing work to others. Ive realized this path is full of surprises from beyond the veil that bring about tremendous joy and love. All of my loved ones ancestors and guides have a seat at my table. And we eat together every day. I also realized that my reality, the path God set before me was so much greater than trying to fit into any box our society deems normal.