Every year around this time I bring out my paintings of Mary. I often think about what it was like for her to carry Jesus in her womb. And I wonder what it was like to birth Him and to hold his spirit in her arms. I think about what she must have been like as a woman and as a being to be the vessel for such a miracle. I think about her connection to God.
I experienced my own divine intervention with Mother Mary after my daughter was born. My connection with Mary then became very real. Some may call this a Near Death Experience but either way, it changed my life.
When I was in active labor with my daughter my dear friend who happens to be a medium reached out to me via text (she was tuning in to me) and told me "if you find yourself in any trouble, ask Mother Mary to intercede on your behalf." After my daughter was born they discovered I was dealing with a retained placenta which meant my placenta was attached to my uterine wall. This caused me to hemorrhage and essentially start to bleed out. I was immediately rushed into emergency surgery that lasted close to 4 hours.
It was during the time they began to wheel me into the emergency room that I literally threw out a hail Mary. I remembered what my friend had told me and said with the highest intention, Mother Mary, please intercede on my behalf. And the next thing I remember is being in the room and looking up three feet to my right above my head and seeing Mother Mary, my dad, a Native American spirit guide and two of my guardian angels. Mother Mary was stoic but also very compassionate. She was watching over me and felt very protective. She stood next to my dad and allowed him to do the talking. My dad began to tell me to focus on them. They appeared as if standing on a cloud all together. So I focused all of my energy on them. My dad then began to speak sentences and immediately following his sentence, the doctor doing the surgery would speak verbatim what my dad had just said. This went on for many moments. I had no concept of time.
Next thing I know I pop out of my body and become one with God. I was absorbed by God. My first thought was, 'God, you DO exist!!' with out my body I felt great!! I still had the same personality but with out all the baggage, with out all the STUFF. I felt humor and joy and love and an overwhelming sense of peace. It was the first moment of my life I truly surrendered to God, and it took leaving my body to do so! I fully trusted in God and knew God has my back and loves me unconditionally. All my life I felt distant from God, almost abandoned by God, but now I knew the truth. We are never abandoned by God. We are God and God is us. God was not a man or a woman. God is. And God allows us to have choices and free will and never judges us.
I then began to thank God for my life. There was no thinking - about anything, I just experienced the moment and my being responded in accordance to the present moment. And in the presence I felt thankful. I thanked God for being an artist and allowing me to take care of my Dad and I then said that if bringing Poppy into this life was the last thing I did that I was at peace because bringing her into this world was the greatest gift I could have allowed through me. There was no sadness at any of this. I was completely surrendered, completely at peace.
Then God showed me my path in life. I essentially had two parts split in the middle (it appeared that I was in the middle during this experience; this experience I came to call my grand re set) God said, you've done this first part which consisted of developing the art. God then said, the second part you have yet to do, it deals with healing. It is available to you if you choose to go back. (I found that part to be really interesting and there was no judgement if I choose to stay or return but the feeling was that God had laid out a whole second part to my life and it felt exciting to feel into the second part)
Then God said, are you at peace with everyone?
Immediately a line of people, 1000's of people lined up. From a man I saw once on the street to every person id ever met or made eye contact with. (I now believe this is because we are all connected) and the line moved really fast, beyond fast. I didn't have any ill will towards anyone or any karma that needed to be cleaned up. But the line slowed down as it got close to the people I see on a regular basis, Matt, Poppy etc.
When the line got to Matt I was shown his future if I choose to stay in heaven. I saw that he would have a difficult two years but that he would be the most amazing dad and eventually he would move on with his life and experience joy again. From that perspective I only wanted him to be happy and I only wanted the absolute best for him, there was no judgment.
Then time stopped as I got to Poppy, my daughter, my light, who had just been born. I had spent a moment with her on my chest - that was all. A moment is all we needed. We made an instant connection, she even placed her hand on my chin as if to fit us together like a perfect puzzle piece. I saw that her life would be difficult in her twenties if I were to choose to stay in heaven, she wouldn't understand the situation and blame herself. It wouldn't be the truth but it would have been what she believed. This is when I saw that my decision would have a great impact on her, and it was my choice.
I then pictured myself holding her hand as she grew up and saw us holding hands all throughout her life. I saw her as a toddler, youth, young adult and I was right there next to her holding her hand, being a guide, being an earthy witness to her journey, being right there with her. I saw that we had an amazing connection, full of love and laughter and play! In that moment, a primal divine feminine energy came from outside of me and welled up into my being, it felt like my own inner warrior, and I heard myself say, "I am Poppy's Mom. I choose to stay."
In that moment, I popped back into my body.
An interesting thing happened. I felt all the pain again from being in surgery and I knew I was going to be sick. I said out loud "I am going to throw up!" The doctor said, " you shouldn't have to throw up". I thought that was a very odd thing to say. Since I was laying flat I needed help to move my body upwards and once I sat up I began to violently throw up. ( I now believe that this further validates my experience of being out of body because it seems to be the jolt back into my body that made me sick)
After this whole ordeal was over I was able to hold my daughter again.
This was only the beginning of my healing journey. In many ways I am still working to heal my nervous system and body from this trauma. It took me a long time to process what happened. I did many paintings about this experience but it took years to process and move through.
As hard as this experience was, and as hard as I've been working to become healthy again, I believe it came as my great re-set. I re established my connection to God and the spirit world. I knew I had a whole new part of my life to open up and that took years of sitting in meditation to discover. But what happened was, I found my faith again, my trust in life and trust in myself. My spiritual gifts opened back up one by one and I started my healing journey. I realized that the same way my guides were helping me to heal me was the exact same healing I would come to offer to others. I now connect to my guides every time I do reiki and channel information from the spiritual world. My guides send me signs and symbols and I simply say what I see. This work is so exciting to me and I get to connect to my dad and other ancestors in such a beautiful way. The information they bring through has been inspiring and healing on many levels. Every day I get to sit with a client and do Reiki is a great day!
I am also not my story, I am the elixir distilled from the experiences that came to teach me many things. I am so thankful I was able to experience God in this life and that I was protected by my beloved dad, Mother Mary and my guides and angels. I now know the spirit world is always one step ahead of this world. And that brings me great peace. We are never alone!
And most of all, I feel so blessed to be a mother. I imagine Mary felt the same way.